LIFE ON PURPOSE

One of the things I love about having an intimate relationship with God is the way He talks to us. Recently He has been giving me a very direct message surrounding: life on purpose and/or living on purpose. It has come at me in at least three very clear and distinct ways over the last week: in a book a friend suggested, in a Saturday morning meeting and in a recent worship service.

This morning in my time of prayer and meditation I had to face the fact that so much of my living on purpose and according to the things that really make me happy - I simply gave up on. I started to think about some of the goals that I wrote in my high school memory book and I how I would envision my home adorned with art pieces vibrant with color and who speak to who I am. Somewhere along the way, I gave up on seeking out the things in people that wonderfully and positively challenge me and I started to allow to many "just anybodies" in. While I have also learned to detox people, behaviors and insecurities; I was amazed in those quiet moments this morning about the amount of intrinsic joy and energy I had lost to the matters pre-detoxification.

I had to admit to myself, that I am still the woman who wants to have four sons frolicking around her, as I read books on a private beach. I am still the woman who wants to pick up and travel to wherever my imagination can take me on a whim. I am still the woman who envisions a house with a wraparound porch and Southern summertime gatherings of artists, intellectuals and street corner philosophers all sipping delightful elixirs as we mingle; and the kids take over the yard. I am still the woman who wants to be surrounded and poured into by women of powerful integrity who can get deep yet can be real; and at it each gathering we pour into another woman who needs that assurance and compassion. That is life on purpose for me.

So I have decided that before my head hits the pillow tonight and my nine year old son bear hugs me into a thirty minute conversation that will surely prolong his bed time I am going to do something major to start life my life on purpose anew. I am going to re-script my life completely and purposely according to those things that God implanted in me in His initial thought of me. As I re-write that script, I am doing so from a mindset that God can and will redeem not only the time, but the energy loss to those things that are me that left me. Honestly, I can not really put a finger on when they left, how they left or why they did - but they have often resurfaced in my spirit and brought tears to my eyes as though they were mourning for me. Isn't that something? Your true spirit will mourn losing you when all it wants to do is live on purpose through you.

What does your life on purpose look like? Today, not scribble something quickly in your journal, but really think about what your purposed life designed by The Spirit and the things of your spirit really looks like? Write your way back to it. This is not about goals or to dos, no, this is about waking up every day and deciding that you have a purpose and every bit of your character, your decisions, your thoughts and your focus on that purpose should bring you joy. I am excited about having life on purpose - I pray you are as well.

AFFIRM YOUR LIFE

I have adopted affirming my life as a way of life. It has done wonders for the transformation of my emotional, intellectual and spiritual being. I certainly need those three things aligned to the positive energy that circulates around us. You see, I understand completely that their health is directly tied to my ability to exist in peace and rest in the true nature of God. So I have learned to affirm, speak and claim, every powerful and positive thing I need to come into being in my life.

Interestingly, when I worked for a gospel station, I and some others on staff would often tease the midday host about a particular song she would play as she closed out a special prayer segment. In a weird kind of way, a strange piano key would be played at just the right moment as she read a scripture. So enthralled in the music and teasing her about it, I missed the power of that scriptural passage for years. It says: whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things. It is about affirming.

I can raise my hand along with many of you at this statement - life has some hard, difficult, bad and painful days. A medical diagnosis, a broken marriage, a sudden death, a child bent on doing everything that pleases hell can register like an earthquake of unbelievable proportions in your life. Yet that are some true, honest, pure, lovely and just things that we can infuse into every situation to squash the negative and damaging energy that comes with hard moments. I am healed. I am whole in spite of who has walked out of my life. I am complete in me and my God. I am perfectly positioned to accept the provision that is for me. I am confident that my child is safe and that no manner of evil will overtake him. I am true and unconditional love and therefore true and unconditional love is all that will come into my life.

You have to affirm some things daily in your life. There are times my affirmations may change. I have learned to use them as weapons in my arsenal for holistic success achievement. That means I believe and accept that the words are more than just flowery statements. They are in fact, marching orders. I speak them and they go out and get what I speak. What are you speaking in your life today? What are you speaking about the hard challenges that shake you awake in the middle of the night? Are your words giving life to the challenges or giving life to the positive resolution of the same?

What can you affirm that speaks directly to what your life needs, right now? Write your affirmations, here I will help you get started:

I am all things light, where there is light there is no darkness.

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I am powerfully positioned to bless others.

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I am forgiving and I am forgiven.

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I hold no anger in my heart or spirit, I release it so that I can receive love.

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Above all things know that what you speak is what will happen in your being and in everything connected to it. If you are going to talk, how about this: speak life, speak peace, speak joy, speak affirming words - otherwise be sure that you can live abundantly in what you say.

MY FOOLISHNESS SAID GIVE UP

Before we get into it. I have a vision to take the intent of these blogs, partner them with some of my fiction writing and hit the road on an empowering one woman tour, that will be a show within a workshop or vice versa. Being completely honest, I need your help to do that. Please donate to the effort by clicking here, any amount. Your help will help define the number of cities and the number of people this show can reach. This is an out of the box unusual request for me and way out of my comfort zone (that's the next blog); so I hope you feel me and I hope you donate.

NOW MY THOUGHTS THIS TIME....

I am just going to admit it. There are sometimes, a lot of times, I just want to give up. I just have to admit that I have messed up royally. I can not fix the mess that I created. I feel like the rope of help being thrown down to me in my hole is still six feet too short. There are times, a lot of times, I just want to give up. There are often people around me who encourage me to give up. I tell myself it would be so much easier to just throw in the towel. I had one of those times yesterday. Then, after those two to five seconds of pity, I got excited about my vision again.


In what a lot of people have called absolutely crazy and not faith, about three years ago I stepped away from a position as Station Manager of a gospel station to move into writing. The truth of the matter is, more than faith, God had begun to show me clearly that I was out of place there and while I could not communicate so much of it to anyone; I had to go. Now, almost three years into owning a business, can I just be brutally honest here? I HAVE MADE SOME HUGE BLUNDERS AND MISTAKES! Some of them led me back to my former boss to ask for help. I have considered (and am considering) going back into the workforce (to some degree) to correct some of those mistakes. Yet, I have not lost sight of my vision. That vision is something I have talked about before - BIRTH.

When I began my solo writing career; it was about me. I was going to produce my plays and get them produced and write these books. Ladada Ladadee. That is what I was going to do. Then suddenly I had this business of coaching people through their writing process. BIRTH. Then I found myself with this small publishing company that now has this grand vision and about six authors waiting to launch their books. BIRTH. Then there was this blog where I would talk about the stuff in my head that relates to you and offer you writing exercises to work your way through life. BIRTH. I have not lost sight of my vision. Yet, I think that the mistakes, blunders, poor choices, poor stewardship and absolutely stupid moves that I was trying to hide were beating that vision down. So I decided that who the Son sets free is free indeed and I am releasing all of it. I just gave birth to freedom.

I have screwed up! I have had some holes in money bags (from the Biblical passage)! I did not count all the costs personally, familially, socially, financially nor spiritually - but unlike Florida - I have done better in the recount. Still I could not allow the stuff I did not want people to see to continue to block the view INTO MY VISION. I could not continue to see my vision around those errors. So there I have spilled the beans. I screwed up and I wanted to give up because of it, time and time again.

I have wanted to give up; instead of giving up - I keep getting up and as long as I do I know that everything will be okay. It may not be okay in my time. But it will be okay. I may get some more nasty emails, harassing text messages and threatening voice mails - but is is okay. All of those things are the remnant of the old creature's habits and that good sister can not abide in my vision any longer!


So be honest. Haven't you ever wanted to give up? Write down the last three times you have wanted to give up and why. Now pull from the power that is deep inside of you and pull out three great reasons that have to do with what you have to offer to this world, your family, your church, your friends and your self that defeat that desire to lay down in the battle.


I messed up some money. Well, yes you did, but with the abundance you are positioning yourself to receive you will be able to give away double the amount you messed up. I didn't spend enough time with the kids. Well, what time is it now? Seems like a good position on the clock to spend time with yours and maybe two others whose parents are working hard to make ends meet. I didn't honestly do everything I could have on that project. Still, the next project gives you the opportunity to do more than you ever could have before on any project and it will allow you to mentor someone along the way.

I wanted to give up. I wanted to just lay down and cry. I wanted to wail like a big spoiled baby until God waved His magic wand and made it all go away. It just does not work that way and I am glad it doesn't. While the lessons have been hard, OH BOY THEY ARE HARD, I did not give up and there is a blessed assurance in me that may get rattled but it will not be defeated. DO NOT GIVE UP!

OH YOU ARE JUST TOO EXCITED

I have the privilege of helping people birth books. I call it a privilege because I learn so many wonderful and amazing things from these authors. What I have found is that what is intended to be a simple literary coaching session often becomes times of empowerment and therapy for them and for me. That is so cool! I am also privileged to be able to be on the perimeter watching the dreams of people touch the rising sun. That is something to behold.

I will say that with some of the my clients, I am often overwhelmed with their excitement. To answer a phone call and a voice has risen two octaves higher or a speech pattern that is normally very deliberate is suddenly fast paced throws me. I get distracted by the excitement and I get so intrigued in it, that the reasons for the excitement are sometimes lost on me.

I realized that I get a kick out of that adrenalin and emotion that pulsates through people when they are genuinely and wonderfully excited about something that is happening in their life. That thing is so absolutely amazing. Life can be so very enchanting and embracing that it urges a typically slightly tenor voice to become more alto-soprano; and a normally mousy personality is suddenly giggling loudly like a school girl on the merry-go-round.


I think it is okay to not focus on the reason for the excitement - instead focus on the joy. It is the thing that tickles your spirit - that emotion of contentment - that will hit the ears of someone who has been crying all day and softly dry away their sorrow or discouragement. The reminder of what tears of joy sound like, brings a smile to a temporary dark moment and now there is the thought that I can reach for some of that excitement too. There is sweetness in the belly laugh of achievement that a friend shares with you and I am appreciating the blessing of someone sharing it with me.

There are times when I am sitting in a waiting room at a doctor’s office or even in a meeting and I feel a little excitement tickling that spot right behind my navel and right next to my heart. Yes, I’m sure it’s not gas. When it happens, I cleverly move my hand over my mouth to refrain from just losing it in laughter. I believe that God tickles me from time to time, just to remind me that He wants me to be happy, He wants me to smile and He wants me to be excited about everything that is me. He wants me to laugh at my joy and at my pain; because in both things I am yet alive and able to feel and able to wait for Him to tickle me so I can smile.

God tickles you too. Tell me today in your writing, when was the last time you felt God tickle you? Your tickle may come when you suddenly find a candy bar you haven’t seen since you were five (for me recently it was finding a box of Boston Baked Beans - OMG!). Or your tickle may be in a silly joke that keeps playing over and over in your head. Sometimes a tickle can come in those most unusual things that kids say - like when my four year old niece told me that she would not push the skateboard beyond the fence, because "we don't to have a situation, right auntie?" (Well okay then!)

There are little tickles that happen in our lives that say you have the right to laugh, to dance, to giggle until you have to run to the bathroom, to cry at the touch of a little ones hand on your face. Write about the tickles you have encountered, smile about them, laught about them and then rest your head on the Father’s chest and tell Him thanks I sure needed that.

I MAY NOT BE A FIST-TO-FIST FIGHTER, BUT I SURE THINK LIKE ONE

I am not a street fighter. The more accurate statement for me is I really am not a fighting type of person; though I do have a fighter’s personality. While in my high temper days I would quickly grab someone – actually hitting them was never necessary. It is all in the way you grab and look! Aside from childhood tussles with my sister, I think I have actually only been in maybe three school-aged fights and none as an adult. I mean after all you do have to grow up at some point.


One fight sticks out in my mind. This girl, who had been a friend since elementary school, decided one day in eighth grade that we needed to fight. To this day I do not know why and I do not know if she even offered a reason. Well, the bell rang, my sister our usual crew and I headed home. This trip however we were accompanied by my sudden and new rival, who was taunting me to no end. I ignored her and kept walking. This I assumed enraged her even more because out of nowhere she produced a knife and told me if I would not fight her she would cut me. THAT WAS IT!

Books hit the ground. My oversized purse hit the ground. I started beating her like a crazy woman. Then everyone encircled us and our normal walking crew was trying to pull me off of her. There is a certain point though in rage that makes pulling back difficult if not impossible. My sister was yelling for me to get off of her. Everyone was yelling for me to stop. I do not remember asking myself if I was really inflicting that much damage or if somehow she had in fact managed to cut me and I was bleeding horribly over every crack in the sidewalk.


I do remember my sister finally yelling something about the truck. I had seen the truck heading towards us but still in the distance. In fact, I remember pulling my opponent into the street so that the truck would help me stop her from ever taunting and tormenting me again. My sister was yelling for me to let her go and move, because if the truck hit her it would hit me too. Well, that was not the plan. If I wasn’t going to let her cut me, I certainly wasn’t going to let her make me get hit by a truck. So I instead slung her to the other side of the street and when the truck passed, I picked up my purse and my books and went home.

Like I said, physical fights are not my thing. But I do have a fighter’s personality. Even when an opponent comes on them suddenly, that personality will move into a course of action: face the opponent, size them up quickly and do your very best to get on the offensive not the defense – if you take control of the attack you can determine the outcome or at least force the attack into a more positive outcome for yourself. A true fighter approaches each and every opponent with a winning mindset; being defeated - even if they have never one a bout - is not a possibility.

My life has presented enough battles for me to hone my fighter’s personality and has taught me to do whatever I can to strategically and purposely keep my life on the offensive. It takes losing some fights to learn those lessons. It takes getting some foul punches. It takes you initiating some fights that never should have been. It takes you jumping into some fights that were none of your business. It takes you getting a knock out here and there. But developing that fighter’s personality also means you condition yourself, you train yourself for the fight. That for me has meant re-aligning my spiritual, emotional and mental thought and behavior patterns. Talk about some tough conditioning and training! Yet, I have had to realize that the tangible things that happen in my life could not be purposely designed for my success until I believed with everything in me that they could.

You know I think this kind of training is even harder than the bag, rope and running drills that championship boxers undergo. This is the kind of training that makes you beat down some inside stuff that keeps allowing the outside stuff to knock your behind out. This is the kind of training that will make you stagger but not fall and most importantly keep punching.

I am KID EC, the HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION of my battles. What are you? Who are you? Today, define your fighter. Is he BEATSTREET PAUL or SHANTE THE BRUISER JONES? What is the inside stuff that you finally have to condition and train yourself to defeat and what do you know about these opponents? Study them and then get on the offensive, so you can move in victorious circles around the enemy and no matter the attack you will be okay. By the way, I am not putting on any of those shiny shorts – oh boy!

I AM NOT A CIGARETTE, SO PLEASE DON'T DRAG ON ME

Don’t waste your time arguing with people who just want to argue, talk and pontificate - the D & D Committee. I personally can’t do it. The more they talk the more characters and story lines I build in my head. Really, I do. I develop story lines based on what I feel their underlying and intrinsic issues are; or, on anything that distracts me from their la la la wah wah wah can't ain't won't dialogue.

I am occasionally in the presence of someone who often relays stories of people in her life. The thing that strikes me most about these people is their presence in her sphere of being has been long-standing. The second thing that tickles my curiosity is that these people are part of what I call the DRAG and DESPAIR COMMITTEE. This is the committee of people that will drag on you with consistent negativity about your life, about what you want to do, about suggestions to have fun, about ANY and EVERY thing.

For me, the blocking out of the blah blah blah and wah wah wah of such unproductive and dragging dialogue is my defense mechanism for that immediate moment. It is the way I teach myself patience and not to speak in what might be considered a rude or sarcastic manner. In a medium range and more permanent nature, I will eventually sit down and ask myself some questions?

Am I now dragging on other people by relaying stories of the drag and despair committee member?

If there is nothing that I can lend positively and constructively to Miss or Mr. Drag, should I consider whether or not their season of importance in my life has changed?

Do I imply that there is an open invitation to drag me down with the practices of the committee, by never saying - I would like to talk to you about why your words and conversations are always such a drag?

Is my life going to be negatively or positively impacted if I close the door on this perpetual negative energy and instead replace it with life, hope and power?

In the interim, until you finally get to the point where you are either going to pull every single strand of hair from your head one at a time; or have the conversation above with yourself -try these things. First and foremost - be quiet. Stop giving the drag and despair committee information about your circumstances. Second - separate. One of the most profound statements I have ever read in the Bible says simply, remove thyself from the accursed thing. OH BOY! If it is dragging, it is pretty safe to say it is a curse. There is entirely too much bitterness, negativity and demoting of one's spirit for there not to be. Third - get out of familiar territory. You may just need to get a new group of positive people to enjoy and do life with; who can impart wisdom, promote your vision and just hang out with you in love. Fourth - interrogate yourself based on the questions above and be serious. Just because he or she has been a friend for 20 years; does not mean their impact on your life needs to be as great as it is.

Here is what I want you to do while you are still highly interactive with the drag and despair committee member; as they talk, write a note to yourself, advising you to cease from pointless conversations, not to waste others time with mindless words of confusion. Write a reason to say something productive to everyone you encounter. Productivity breeds productivity.

The other thing I have found about the D & D committee members is they are the people in the first line of my thoughts today. They want to argue, they always want to talk about why you are wrong and they are right, they always want to tell someone else what they think you said and what they feel about what they really did not hear. Tragically, before you know it, you will mimic them in the words you speak and the spirit you emanate. You have unwittingly become the newest member of the DRAG and DESPAIR COMMITTEE. So, write a little note to the arguer, saying something as simply as – "I appreciate your energy, maybe next time it won’t interfere with my understanding of what you were trying to relay or on my invitation for you to enjoy living and life."

Above all remember this, you are not a cigarette so do not allow these people to drag on you - otherwise you will end up mashed up and squeezed down into the bottom of an ashtray. Are you not so much more than that?

MY DESIGN, MY STYLE, MY ME

I have come to the conclusion that I am a prime candidate for one of those HGTV design shows. Honestly! I know what I like and I know the colors that speak to me (that sounds real artsy - right?) I think that my home, if designed according to my spirit and desires, would be a design enigma.

Nothing would be a rhyme. Instead, everything would be an independent story. Turquoise would dance with orange throughout the living room, a village marketplace reminiscent of Africa or the Caribbean would line the kitchen cabinetry, while brown and stick floral would peek from behind a gold door. On this door would hang a wreath woven with encouraging words waving to all who wandered by. TAKE THAT ON YOU TOP HGTV DESIGNERS!

I have grown into my style and not just in home decor - but in just me. Now I have determined to live in my style no matter what others think or the situation of the day. In fact, I have decided to surround me in my style, my muse my passion, my spirit - me! Sure, I expect some: "what is that?", "Why would you do that?", "that's crazy!". Guess what? I get all of that and more anyway - why not get it for living in the style of ME.

Designers on the rise make a name for themselves by expressing creativity that is not out of the box but totally away from the box. They also gain recognition by developing unique personality in their stylings. Their individual creativity and style is what draws people to them. They really can not and will not be consumed with those who do not like what they bring to the table (or the table they brought to the room) - because they understand it is not about their style. They have come to understand that their style does not have to be your style; yet it can be the perfect flair for the one whose spirit calls for it.

My darling designer create your own style magazine. Give it a name - PIZAZZ, WOW, YEAH BABY, NOIR - whatever is you. Now write the stories that define your style and how you will embrace it in every aspect of your life. You are the cover story. You are the flavor of the season. This style is about you and you are something to behold!

GOD TONES ARE - WELL - NOT TO BE IGNORED

Do you ever get instructions from God? Some may call them signs from the universe. Since I believe in the resurrected Christ - for me, they are instructions or little understandings from God. I have often received God Tones over a period of time and have learned to jot them down. When I go back and read them after several days or weeks - they carry a powerful message.

In my wonderful ability to sometimes be on the short bus in spite of the obvious - I have missed this important knowledge about the purpose of God Tones- God was giving me foresight to my coming experience! Oh wow! How I wished I could go back and hear and apply the God Tones in different seasons over the years. I am more sensitive to them now. I pray for clarity and understanding in them and I watch for the life occurrence that corresponds.

The string of recent God Tones are definitely for the now season: release dead things, get out of familiar territory, prepare a place for Me to bless you, no matter the attack listen for my still voice. Clear and definitive messages on how to bring a new and comprehensively focused order to my life. So key are these God Tones that a unique confidence sprouted in my spirit. This is the confidence that comes from moments of darkness and the pains of desiring divine promises in spite of. It is a sincere confidence. It is a well-with-my-soul confidence.

What God Tones or universal signs have you heard? Today draw and write with me. Adorn yourself in the words of life just for you. Draw a necklace of pearls. In each pearl write a God Tone that has tickled your mind's ears. When you are done, you will notice that you are blessed with road signs indicating where you are at this moment or a code of conduct for the moments fast approaching. God Tones do not make the journey easier, but they do provide guidance and blessed assurance.

CHILD, I GOT ME A GIFT

A dear friend said to me recently that my gift, the thing that I am good at is BIRTHING. Not in a having babies giving birth kind of way - but in a birthing dreams and untapped vision kind of way. Her response to a question I posed threw me for a loop, yet confirmed something within. My question to her - what do you believe I am really good at and should focus my energy on?

What threw me in her response was the knowledge that someone else saw it clearly enough to put it into words. Several other things came back to my conscious state when she shared her thought with me. One - that a woman who has never given birth naturally, would be so gifted. Two - that in a time of prayer, a minister said to me that my womb (though I had undergone a hysterectomy) would be prepared for birth again. Three - when the minister spoke those words, I had not shared that I had never given birth from my natural womb, the hysterectomy nor my unwavering belief that I was at a point in my life where I was unable to birth spiritually, professionally or creatively. Yet, three years later, a friend would recognize the same thing the minister did in me - BIRTH.

The challenge for me is accepting the power of my gift. Surely accepting and recognizing your gift and then accepting its power is a challenge for you as well. Each time I sit with a coaching client, I ask that God give me wisdom and guidance. I believe that every thing we write has the capacity to be therapeutic and therefore I do not take their work or mine for granted. While they do not understand my methods or lines of questioning (and often I am clueless too); it all, I have discovered, is more about the author than the story. I can not explain why is that way but I do know that giving birth is a process. It is a process that requires the mother be as healthy as possible for the nurturing and ultimate delivery of the life within. The doctor or midwife facilitates the components that make up the birthing process and they all work together to give birth. So I am honored to have a gift for birthing. I am equally and wonderfully intimidated about how I should unwrap and offer this gift.

So what is the gift you must now unwrap and offer? Imagine that you have been given a box. Inside this box your git has been carefully and lovingly placed. The box was then beautifully decorated with colorful wrapping, flowing ribbons and curly bows. There is a card attached that says, "do not open until this gift makes room for you." The note also says, "the gift is not for you but for the edifying of others."

What is in your box and before whom will you unwrap it? Maybe it is the gift of song or the gift of deciphering dreams - whatever it is recognize it, respect it and use it to the benefit of others. Then you will experience how awesome being gifted really is.

THE MAN THE GOOD SAMARITAN HELPED

There is a Biblical story many of us - Christian or not- are familiar with. It is the story of the good Samaritan. The story, in brief - a Jewish man beaten and left in a ditch is overlooked deliberately by two religious men. Yet his supposed natural enemy, a Samaritan, rescues him and attends to his wounds.

Recently I became fascinated by the man in the ditch. He was attacked by thieves, stripped of his clothing, thrown in a ditch and left to die. I imagine that because he was not dead - there were moments of consciousness where he probably thought to, tried to or even did cry out. My fascination with this man in the ditch? I, for several months, have been much like him. Except my thieves have been lingering negative and defeating mindsets.

Because I did not dig deep enough in life detoxification periods, they were very present and very active. So my inner thieves, particularly in a major area of my life had stripped me of a significant part of my integrity, my faith in God, my belief in myself and in my ability to position myself for success. Many of us are the man in the ditch - not because of what others did to us - but because of our bad decisions, emotional decisions, decisions without wise counsel.

When we do not pay attention to the subtle and often loud warnings we become both victim and perpetrator. We end up in a self-created ditch and even worse we get major attitude when someone pass us by. Frustrated, filled with pride and ashamed - our cries for help grow quiet and sit wearily in our spirits until something pushes them up and out. We release our pride and release our request for help and a step out of the ditch is underway.

Make a decision today to come out of your ditch. Write a brief story about how you ended up in the ditch; then take action. With every WHY in the story - list a HOW you can overcome that WHY. Now challenge yourself - set a realistic goal date to succeed in overcoming step by step. I say realistic goal date because we put ourselves back in a ditch when we set a goal to get out of $25 thousand in debt in three months. We then commit to others something that is not feasible nor intelligent. Most importantly, take your eyes off of who has and who is passing you by as you wallow in your ditch. Instead focus on this - there is a Samaritan who will finally come along and provide compassion, according to what he/she is is able to do and according to what you really need.

LISTEN - BEFORE YOU NEED A RECOVERY PLAN

My life yelled at me recently. Baby!!! It yelled in a loud, distinct and unmistakable manner. It said and it is saying - there is failure before greatness, there are valleys before greatness, there are problems before greatness, and in every measure of anticipated and expected success there are measures of well - hell - to walk through. Can I let you in on a little secret? My life, in hindsight, probably had been whispering the things it started yelling - but I'm a little hard of hearing in my left ear and I am prone to being stubborn. My mother will tell you that of her three children, I am the most stubborn. Here is the thing - life has no respect of stubbornness. If I were a charismatic Baptist preacher, I would say - "oh y'all don't hear me. I said life has no respect of stubbornness."



Since it does not, life and God will wait you out until they get tired of you. I mean really, God owns time and life, you can not wait Him out. I admit I have tried. Silly, silly me. When my life yelled and I was forced to listen, I realized I had some things that needed to be worked out. There were some things attached to the way and the reasons I do/did things that I had not recognized. In example, the majority of my financial decisions were made from a place of desperation; therefore my finances have always hit crisis mode several times during the year. Life screamed it and I am now dealing with the chastisement of not handling that reality while it was yet a whisper. I began to speak a powerful dream over myself, not realizing that dreams are often manifested through major battles; yet that does not mean the dream is deferred or denied. Life screamed it and I realized I should have paid attention to the warnings to be quiet now or speak now that would stir in my spirit.


When life gets to the point that it has to scream at you or to you, you will find that it will also tell you to get a recovery plan. You will find yourself like major financial institutions and the auto industry - looking for a bailout. Guess what it may not come raining down from heaven and it may not be a plausible solution that people around you will help you out with. You may just have to bail yourself out and do some things to enter into a new level of humility. Your life may effectively tell you that a bail out plan to make you an excellent manager of every area of your life is now necessary and urgent.


If you could see me now you would see my hand is raised for I am so there. While the God I serve is so able to send one person into my life to address the pressing need for emergency money - He has not. While money does answer all things, what needs answering for me is not the things that need money but the actions and mindsets that created the need. I am not being favored with cash, but favored with understanding. While the God I love is more than able to speak healing into my body - He has not. By His stripes I am surely healed and am more healed when I recognize that this temple was given to me for a reason and what I experience in it is for a bigger purpose. Since it is, I am being favored with a new respect for it and a renewed desire to live.


Life said, "Ms. Thing get a bailout plan so that you can get exceedingly, abundantly, above all you can ask for." That means making some decisions that bring tears to my eyes. That means having and working through brief moments of feeling like a failure. That means letting go of and returning some material things that no longer fit. That means being uncomfortable in my lifestyle in order to become comfortable in my life - before it yells at me again.


Take a look at your life areas: money, health, family, spirit, professional/ business; does your life need a bailout plan? Is your life headed towards needing a bailout plan? Are you missing the whispers and inviting life to YELL? In every significant area of your life write one distinct vision and one pivotal question - is my life following my vision in this area? If not, a life bailout plan is in order. What goes into your bailout plan depends on your vision, therefore discuss it with you only or with one person who knows your sincere spirit and will be honest with you. This plan is about what your life is showing you and not what others think about what you should do in your life - being mindful of that is vital. In a country where large corporate bailouts are becoming as normal as pulling through a fast food drive thru - now is the perfect time to re-order a slice of life that is effective, feasible and divinely-blessed. Grab a shovel and bail out, because when life yells it is deafening.


E. Claudette Freeman,
Arise, Write, Release

I HAVE A LOVE JONES FOR ME

I received a rather scathing email recently. My decisions on some things had clearly perplexed the beliefs of someone else. One line in that email disturbed me more than every other word listed. That line reported that my problem is I don't love myself. Wow! What a hard thing to say to someone! What an untrue statement about me. Five years ago, ten years ago - in high school - that statement would have been a glaring and blinding reality. I probably wore it like a theatre marquee over my head, DOES NOT LOVE HERSELF. I learned to love me by learning to experience my experiences and pull what could make me better, wiser, stronger and more enlightened from each of them.


So why did the statement in the email bother me? Because it reminded me that I have not totally moved into loving me completely. I still occasionally take a step back when my life and my decisions offend those close to me. I still occasionally feel guilty about doing little things or great things for myself because of the criticism of others. I still occasionally allow the glares, comments and opinions about the extra pounds and what I do with them, to make me feel like the little fat girl in Ms. Liotti's class. I still occasionally, though I consciously fight this now, sometimes put on boxing gloves and pound myself about things that I really have no control over and are not mine to fix or ponder. I do love me. I love my crazy long toenails, my fat fingers that look like stubs when my nails are short. I love my big ears. I love the gift of writing that graces my life. I love this tapping into my inner self and releasing it.


I do love me and today I say to me it is really okay to consciously love me totally and unconditionally first. That kind of self love will certainly teach me to love my son on a deeper level and my God as well. The really great thing is when I learned to love me - I also learned how to get unloving relationships or relationships where love was secondary out of my life. You know what I think? I think aside from parents and children, no other human vessel should pull more love from you than the love you have for yourself. God gives you the ability and the reasons to love you and anything and anyone that discounts that - should be approached with caution.


I do love me - the me that I am today and all of the variations of me I have been over the years. The fat girl in elementary school that the kids picked on. The smart fat girl in high school who the guys respected but would not date. The young woman who purposely dated married men because I didn't think I could do any better. The professional woman that walked away from a job when I was told to choose between that position and being a new mom. The professional woman that went back to that job until it was clear there was nothing that I could contribute because it was time for me to move into what I had been praying for. The Christian woman who has realized that God is a hard man to love, but the ultimate right one to love. The patient woman facing hard medical conditions and believing none of it is unto death and I will be healed. The maternal woman who has learned how a hug from a little body, my Lord, can make up for all the hell that comes against you. I do love me.


The truth of the matter is, I haven't written a love letter to myself in quite some time. You have to write letters of love and adoration to yourself every now and then. On the surface, to remind you just how fabulous you are; but more importantly, to continue to evolve into a loving, loveable and in love with self kind of person. No one can love someone who has no love for himself. For loving self creates respect, esteem, vision, power and purpose. Will you do something for me? Write the most intimate, moving words of love to yourself - today. Let your words love on you, love you through the hard moments, love you until you cry out in the sheer joy of who you are. Look up. What does the marquee over your head flash? I am thrilled to say my marquee now reads LOVING ME NOW AND LOVING ME BETTER.



E. Claudette Freeman
Arise, Write, Release

THE INAUGURATION OF A DREAMER

Barack Hussein Obama is the 44th President of the United States of America, and the first Black President of the same. The election of Obama fulfills the dreams and visions of two powerful men who lived in the midst of this country's horrific and embarrassing Civil Rights struggle - Robert Kennedy and Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. King, in an early 60's interview said he believed a Negro American could be president within 25 years; Kennedy said in a national address (also in the early 60's) that he believed this country could heal and progress to the point that we could elect a Black president within 40 years. Their statements reflect the dreams and hopes of two men who despite seeing people at their worst - believed in their best. They had dreams not just for themselves but for a nation of people.

Interestingly, all of this has tickled my mind these last few days, after hearing two inspirational messages on dreams delivered at church. The Biblical scripture centered around the life of Joseph and how his dreams caused him to be hated - literally by his brothers. His dreams so intimidated and disturbed them that after - what I call - pulling death straws; they sold their own flesh into slavery. From there Joseph obtained prominence, was lied on by a manipulative woman, was jailed and finally rose to prominence again.

Dreams, especially those that awaken your power and prominence, are intimidating. In the past year I have learned that through a series of hard lessons. Your dreams are great as long as they quickly produce a tangible and financial reward and do so consistently. For some, that is definitely the divine path they will be favored with. For others, like Joseph, there are some seasons of hardships that must be undertaken in order that your position be sure and your faith be even more certain. You know what Joseph taught me, okay I will admit I learned a bit late as did he; but he taught me to keep my dreams securely wrapped in quiet prayer until they are strong enough to be revealed.

I unwrapped my dreams too soon to some who are not designed to dream at my level and when the money tree did not quickly shake its massive leaves to blanket the lawn on either side of the house; temporary applauders became strong opposers. I know how Joseph must have felt and even though I know without a doubt God assigned this time to me and appointed me to whoop its behind - the growing and testing of my faith is still hard. I am a stronger person because of it and I am so proud of me; for I did not run and every time I was knocked to the ground I got up. That I believe is the mark of a true dreamer - knowing that you have to fight for the dream and sometimes fight repeatedly.

As I write this my son and I are being covered by a friend who quietly respects my dreams, she and a handful of others often tell me that I have a calling to pull people's dreams out of them. I am not sure how true that is, but I am now convinced that is part of the deeper roots that sprout my dreams. Doing it - pulling out people's dreams is also part of those deeper roots and I believe it is the part that pisses off the negative forces around us. If I dream, if I fight for my dream, if I reach inside you to pull a dream to the surface - I am creating too much positive energy, too much hope, too much light.

Well, okay dreamer, join me today in pissing off dream negaters - lets inaugurate hope in our lives. As the nation, no as the world, watches the swearing in of the 44th President of the United States, he urged an era of responsibility. Stand up, grab your Bible or your tool of inspiration and write your address to the world about who you are and what your dreams bring to the table. What does your inauguration address say about hope, fighting for your dreams, allowing your sincere, divine dream to pull you through hell? What does your inauguration address say about who you are destined to be? Does your inauguration address have the power of a dreamer and audacity of hope? Dream on my child and when someone comes - and they will - to challenge your dreams and even snatch it from your bosom - tell them to GET OFF MY PILLOW!

E. Claudette Freeman,
Arise, Write, Release