I COULD HAVE BEEN MORE DISOBEDIENT BUT I AM SO GLAD GOD KICKED ME INTO OBEDIENCE INSTEAD

I reconnected with a wonderful group of loving, caring and compassionate women tonight, as part of a Bible study group. I did not share anything - instead I listened. I returned to this fold somewhat of a prodigal child; after a friend/business associate/fellow believer said to me over my Shaken Iced Tea Lemonade (black tea sweetened thank you very much) that God led her to tell me that I have been disobedient. Had I have been the woman I was years ago, I probably would have slapped the word from her mouth and cut her verbally. I did neither. Primarily because I had been asking God for months what was going on with me. I was feeling disconnected, every financial vessel had either dried up or was behaving real wacky, and the strangest things kept popping up in EVERY area of my life. Thus, if you ask, He will answer - especially when He knows you are in a place to finally listen. Secondly, she did not come to me rambling, but she came with Biblical passages that spoke directly to me and that said - in essence - this is your final warning CHICK! We agreed that I would cut off everything that evening and I would pray about my disobedience and she would support me in prayer.

What I learned is that I have the uncanny ability to use the very things God instilled in me against God. Imagine that! I use my stubbornness, my ability to assess and then respond with what I think is best, and my ability to analyze the color orange off of an orange against God. I do it so well that I had not realized there were some areas where I was being God (in the wrong sense) in my life. I do it so well that I had not realized that I questioned my worth to do the most important thing that He called me to do - minister - not realizing that questioning my worthiness meant questioning His and His ability to call me to do something great.

One of things I ask God repeatedly (from the moment I first heard Him say teach my daughters) is, "what do I have to say to anybody about anything?" "What does what I have to say matter?" Well in that group tonight, He responded. It was not only my first night back in forever, but another young lady returned as well. When I came in she was sharing how wonderfully God has been turning some things around in her life. In the midst of sharing she looked at me and shared that often in her struggles she thought about me and my hard situations I'd shared with the group; and knowing that I kept moving in spite of them helped her. Later in the discussion, she recalled how I sent an email to this praying group of women, comparing my trials and my trust to Job; it was the focal passage on the handout being discussed in that setting from Sunday service - a service on hope. She said that email encouraged her. More than anything she encouraged me and without even knowing it, God sent her on assignment and because I moved in obedience - I was in place so that she could plant what she was supposed to and I was there to receive it.

I almost missed that moment tonight, because recently, in my disobedience I joined another church and immediately my spirit yelled GET OUT! After attending only one Sunday service and two Bible studies, I had to beg the pastor's forgiveness and obediently go back to where God had placed me. My assignment there was not finished. In fact I had run from it. You see on my way to a Sunday service about a year or so ago, I clearly heard God say that I was to minister by leading a women's study group at the church I was attending. After service that day, the bubbly leader of our group informed me that she had (or was) going to talk to the campus pastor about my leading a group. I was thrown off but not surprised. Months later when I felt that nudge again - I took off like an Olympic sprinter - telling God and anyone who would listen that I was disconnected and I needed more. The more I needed was in giving what God has taught me. The disconnection was because I wasn't doing the more.

Hear this - God will not shut up and we can stick our fingers in our ears until we are 158 years old, He will be heard. In my valley of disobedience God sent a Yoruba priestess, a New Age reverend, a minister who has never laid eyes on me (and has called me Min. Freeman from the moment she told me to walk in my calling), a spiritual numerologist and a former and prospective client to tell me the same thing - you are called into a higher level of ministry, you have a spiritual calling all over you, you were born with a gift of teaching and counseling, it is not about ordination - it is about helping, serving and teaching truth. They all said the exact same things and then God sent a fellow Christian to open my eyes to this truth - the more that I needed was in giving what God has taught me and I had been disobedient to His voice for too long. I rejoice because while God sent the locusts to eat up what He had blessed me with, His word also assures me that He will restore what was lost if I sincerely repent, fast, pray and stop being so unbelievably hard-headed with Him. My mother has always told me and others, that I am by far the most stubborn child - I wish she had told me I cannot out-stubborn God.

Disobedience blocks us! There is no need to sugar coat or make it sound nice. Your disobedient behavior and intellectual rationalizations is why things are not flowing exceedingly, abundantly above what you can think or ask. I have come into the light. I have applied the salve of renewed trust on my wounds of chastisement and I am moving in obedience. Baby, I have been in the storm too long. Disobedience blocks us! Here is your writing assignment this time, the scripture in Joel (2:25) indicates that God sent four types of locusts to devour the provisions of the people: swarming, crawling, consuming and chewing. Trust me when I considered this passage thoroughly I could clearly see some swarming, crawling, consuming and chewing going on. Can you? Write the areas in your life where locusts were sent to devour potentially because of your disobedience. Now write an action plan to correct - immediately - those disobedient thoughts, spirits and actions. Confess your disobedience and sincerely apologize and turn away from it. Then you can come stand with me as we wait for the restoration. I will let you in on a little secret, it has already started for me! Go get yours!

Renee, Yeyefini, Rev. Reckel, Dr. Allen, Carol, Vicki, Tanya and most importantly - LORD, I hear you, yeah I heard you then too - and here I am - finally.