I AM NOT A CIGARETTE, SO PLEASE DON'T DRAG ON ME

Don’t waste your time arguing with people who just want to argue, talk and pontificate - the D & D Committee. I personally can’t do it. The more they talk the more characters and story lines I build in my head. Really, I do. I develop story lines based on what I feel their underlying and intrinsic issues are; or, on anything that distracts me from their la la la wah wah wah can't ain't won't dialogue.

I am occasionally in the presence of someone who often relays stories of people in her life. The thing that strikes me most about these people is their presence in her sphere of being has been long-standing. The second thing that tickles my curiosity is that these people are part of what I call the DRAG and DESPAIR COMMITTEE. This is the committee of people that will drag on you with consistent negativity about your life, about what you want to do, about suggestions to have fun, about ANY and EVERY thing.

For me, the blocking out of the blah blah blah and wah wah wah of such unproductive and dragging dialogue is my defense mechanism for that immediate moment. It is the way I teach myself patience and not to speak in what might be considered a rude or sarcastic manner. In a medium range and more permanent nature, I will eventually sit down and ask myself some questions?

Am I now dragging on other people by relaying stories of the drag and despair committee member?

If there is nothing that I can lend positively and constructively to Miss or Mr. Drag, should I consider whether or not their season of importance in my life has changed?

Do I imply that there is an open invitation to drag me down with the practices of the committee, by never saying - I would like to talk to you about why your words and conversations are always such a drag?

Is my life going to be negatively or positively impacted if I close the door on this perpetual negative energy and instead replace it with life, hope and power?

In the interim, until you finally get to the point where you are either going to pull every single strand of hair from your head one at a time; or have the conversation above with yourself -try these things. First and foremost - be quiet. Stop giving the drag and despair committee information about your circumstances. Second - separate. One of the most profound statements I have ever read in the Bible says simply, remove thyself from the accursed thing. OH BOY! If it is dragging, it is pretty safe to say it is a curse. There is entirely too much bitterness, negativity and demoting of one's spirit for there not to be. Third - get out of familiar territory. You may just need to get a new group of positive people to enjoy and do life with; who can impart wisdom, promote your vision and just hang out with you in love. Fourth - interrogate yourself based on the questions above and be serious. Just because he or she has been a friend for 20 years; does not mean their impact on your life needs to be as great as it is.

Here is what I want you to do while you are still highly interactive with the drag and despair committee member; as they talk, write a note to yourself, advising you to cease from pointless conversations, not to waste others time with mindless words of confusion. Write a reason to say something productive to everyone you encounter. Productivity breeds productivity.

The other thing I have found about the D & D committee members is they are the people in the first line of my thoughts today. They want to argue, they always want to talk about why you are wrong and they are right, they always want to tell someone else what they think you said and what they feel about what they really did not hear. Tragically, before you know it, you will mimic them in the words you speak and the spirit you emanate. You have unwittingly become the newest member of the DRAG and DESPAIR COMMITTEE. So, write a little note to the arguer, saying something as simply as – "I appreciate your energy, maybe next time it won’t interfere with my understanding of what you were trying to relay or on my invitation for you to enjoy living and life."

Above all remember this, you are not a cigarette so do not allow these people to drag on you - otherwise you will end up mashed up and squeezed down into the bottom of an ashtray. Are you not so much more than that?

MY DESIGN, MY STYLE, MY ME

I have come to the conclusion that I am a prime candidate for one of those HGTV design shows. Honestly! I know what I like and I know the colors that speak to me (that sounds real artsy - right?) I think that my home, if designed according to my spirit and desires, would be a design enigma.

Nothing would be a rhyme. Instead, everything would be an independent story. Turquoise would dance with orange throughout the living room, a village marketplace reminiscent of Africa or the Caribbean would line the kitchen cabinetry, while brown and stick floral would peek from behind a gold door. On this door would hang a wreath woven with encouraging words waving to all who wandered by. TAKE THAT ON YOU TOP HGTV DESIGNERS!

I have grown into my style and not just in home decor - but in just me. Now I have determined to live in my style no matter what others think or the situation of the day. In fact, I have decided to surround me in my style, my muse my passion, my spirit - me! Sure, I expect some: "what is that?", "Why would you do that?", "that's crazy!". Guess what? I get all of that and more anyway - why not get it for living in the style of ME.

Designers on the rise make a name for themselves by expressing creativity that is not out of the box but totally away from the box. They also gain recognition by developing unique personality in their stylings. Their individual creativity and style is what draws people to them. They really can not and will not be consumed with those who do not like what they bring to the table (or the table they brought to the room) - because they understand it is not about their style. They have come to understand that their style does not have to be your style; yet it can be the perfect flair for the one whose spirit calls for it.

My darling designer create your own style magazine. Give it a name - PIZAZZ, WOW, YEAH BABY, NOIR - whatever is you. Now write the stories that define your style and how you will embrace it in every aspect of your life. You are the cover story. You are the flavor of the season. This style is about you and you are something to behold!