WHY IS THERE A COFFIN UNDER THERE

As darkness slid into her comfortable home making way for the sun to stand guard, an intriguing vision grabbed my attention. This vision revealed a lovely room, reminiscent of large and breezy plantation homes. White sheets covered everything. I was speaking to two ladies in the room when I stumbled across something covered by a crisp sheet tucked in at the corners. One of the women turned to face me as I inquired about what I stumbled on. I moved the sheet away and to my surprise there was a beautiful caramel colored wood coffin.

It shocked me but did not scare me. The woman explained, very matter-of-factly, that she just had not been ready to bury it. I never asked her who or what was in it, nor did the other woman. I did ask why she was not ready to bury it. She simply shrugged her shoulders and responded, "Just not ready." My conscious self took over and I smiled because I realized I had just been blessed to have one of my dream reality sessions with God. (By the way these are absolutely much better than ANY reality TV show) I wondered how many of us keep coffins buried beneath sheets or situations or busy work because we just are not ready to bury them. I wondered what we keep in our coffins.

This woman held on to and clearly moved from place to place a coffin, a home for dead things, because she was not ready to allow the death of relationships, consequences, bad decisions, unfortunate moves and other truths of life to have their final moment. So she held on the coffin, carefully covering it and taking care to assure it was tucked in. Sadly, I have to admit that I have held onto some coffins or perhaps one big coffin full of dead things that I have refused to bury or have feared burying. Is it possible that we hold on to the coffin because we want to be able mourn when it is convenient, grieve when it is easier than pressing on or be consoled will we really need to be challenged. The coffin allows us to feel sorry for ourselves.

Funerals are without doubt one of the most traumatic and heart-wrenching life events; yet they are also an opportunity to celebrate life, experiences and reflect on legacy. Yet when we hold on to the coffin we fail to release the life that was into its next assignment. What would happen if you (and if I) finally buried our fear, our reservations, our numerous and unfounded concerns about the what ifs, and our ability to convince ourselves that we cannot ____________. What would happen if you (and I) stopped hiding our coffins and using them as a prayer altar? What would happen if we finally decided to bury the dead things as opposed to allowing them to accompany us in the dance of life.

Clearly, if there is a coffin, death was imminent and necessary - what can holding on to dead things produce in your current moment? May these words serve as a shovel for us as we begin to dig the grave where our coffins will finally come to rest. Now plan your repast and celebrate the life that death has brought to your door.

I COULD HAVE BEEN MORE DISOBEDIENT BUT I AM SO GLAD GOD KICKED ME INTO OBEDIENCE INSTEAD

I reconnected with a wonderful group of loving, caring and compassionate women tonight, as part of a Bible study group. I did not share anything - instead I listened. I returned to this fold somewhat of a prodigal child; after a friend/business associate/fellow believer said to me over my Shaken Iced Tea Lemonade (black tea sweetened thank you very much) that God led her to tell me that I have been disobedient. Had I have been the woman I was years ago, I probably would have slapped the word from her mouth and cut her verbally. I did neither. Primarily because I had been asking God for months what was going on with me. I was feeling disconnected, every financial vessel had either dried up or was behaving real wacky, and the strangest things kept popping up in EVERY area of my life. Thus, if you ask, He will answer - especially when He knows you are in a place to finally listen. Secondly, she did not come to me rambling, but she came with Biblical passages that spoke directly to me and that said - in essence - this is your final warning CHICK! We agreed that I would cut off everything that evening and I would pray about my disobedience and she would support me in prayer.

What I learned is that I have the uncanny ability to use the very things God instilled in me against God. Imagine that! I use my stubbornness, my ability to assess and then respond with what I think is best, and my ability to analyze the color orange off of an orange against God. I do it so well that I had not realized there were some areas where I was being God (in the wrong sense) in my life. I do it so well that I had not realized that I questioned my worth to do the most important thing that He called me to do - minister - not realizing that questioning my worthiness meant questioning His and His ability to call me to do something great.

One of things I ask God repeatedly (from the moment I first heard Him say teach my daughters) is, "what do I have to say to anybody about anything?" "What does what I have to say matter?" Well in that group tonight, He responded. It was not only my first night back in forever, but another young lady returned as well. When I came in she was sharing how wonderfully God has been turning some things around in her life. In the midst of sharing she looked at me and shared that often in her struggles she thought about me and my hard situations I'd shared with the group; and knowing that I kept moving in spite of them helped her. Later in the discussion, she recalled how I sent an email to this praying group of women, comparing my trials and my trust to Job; it was the focal passage on the handout being discussed in that setting from Sunday service - a service on hope. She said that email encouraged her. More than anything she encouraged me and without even knowing it, God sent her on assignment and because I moved in obedience - I was in place so that she could plant what she was supposed to and I was there to receive it.

I almost missed that moment tonight, because recently, in my disobedience I joined another church and immediately my spirit yelled GET OUT! After attending only one Sunday service and two Bible studies, I had to beg the pastor's forgiveness and obediently go back to where God had placed me. My assignment there was not finished. In fact I had run from it. You see on my way to a Sunday service about a year or so ago, I clearly heard God say that I was to minister by leading a women's study group at the church I was attending. After service that day, the bubbly leader of our group informed me that she had (or was) going to talk to the campus pastor about my leading a group. I was thrown off but not surprised. Months later when I felt that nudge again - I took off like an Olympic sprinter - telling God and anyone who would listen that I was disconnected and I needed more. The more I needed was in giving what God has taught me. The disconnection was because I wasn't doing the more.

Hear this - God will not shut up and we can stick our fingers in our ears until we are 158 years old, He will be heard. In my valley of disobedience God sent a Yoruba priestess, a New Age reverend, a minister who has never laid eyes on me (and has called me Min. Freeman from the moment she told me to walk in my calling), a spiritual numerologist and a former and prospective client to tell me the same thing - you are called into a higher level of ministry, you have a spiritual calling all over you, you were born with a gift of teaching and counseling, it is not about ordination - it is about helping, serving and teaching truth. They all said the exact same things and then God sent a fellow Christian to open my eyes to this truth - the more that I needed was in giving what God has taught me and I had been disobedient to His voice for too long. I rejoice because while God sent the locusts to eat up what He had blessed me with, His word also assures me that He will restore what was lost if I sincerely repent, fast, pray and stop being so unbelievably hard-headed with Him. My mother has always told me and others, that I am by far the most stubborn child - I wish she had told me I cannot out-stubborn God.

Disobedience blocks us! There is no need to sugar coat or make it sound nice. Your disobedient behavior and intellectual rationalizations is why things are not flowing exceedingly, abundantly above what you can think or ask. I have come into the light. I have applied the salve of renewed trust on my wounds of chastisement and I am moving in obedience. Baby, I have been in the storm too long. Disobedience blocks us! Here is your writing assignment this time, the scripture in Joel (2:25) indicates that God sent four types of locusts to devour the provisions of the people: swarming, crawling, consuming and chewing. Trust me when I considered this passage thoroughly I could clearly see some swarming, crawling, consuming and chewing going on. Can you? Write the areas in your life where locusts were sent to devour potentially because of your disobedience. Now write an action plan to correct - immediately - those disobedient thoughts, spirits and actions. Confess your disobedience and sincerely apologize and turn away from it. Then you can come stand with me as we wait for the restoration. I will let you in on a little secret, it has already started for me! Go get yours!

Renee, Yeyefini, Rev. Reckel, Dr. Allen, Carol, Vicki, Tanya and most importantly - LORD, I hear you, yeah I heard you then too - and here I am - finally.

The Oil - Overfilled

It has been quite some time since I have shared words and life here. I truly miss it. Of course life has continued and there has been so much that I need to share and since I have been led to re-ignite this forum of expression, I will do just that. I want to share a very profound and deeply spiritual moment for me. In reading my blogs, surely you have figured out that I am in love with and loved by God. Nothing in me is a part from Him. What I want to share today is very personal and yet, I know that it will enlighten and challenge you; as it has done for me.

About four weeks ago, my little Mitsubishi (which was already falling apart and would become a river whenever it rained) was basically totalled in an accident. Three weeks later, God had a friend give me $1000 to buy another set of wheels or put a down payment on a vehicle. I opted to find something used but reliable because I need to be positioned to grow my business and a car payment was not in that equation. I found a car for $700 and I was on the road again! YAY! Four days into the car, there is a problem. I discovered, haphazardly, that the oil gauge does not work. This discovery was only made after I had poured WAY TOO MUCH oil into the car, trying to make that oil gauge rise. I was slightly bummed out about it; yet did not believe that it was anything major.

On the night I realized there was a problem, I'd dropped one niece off to the movies and the little niece and I headed home. We did not make it; because so much smoke was coming from the rear and hood of the car that we pulled into a parking lot and called for someone to come get us. I was distressed. It was dark and she and I were sitting in a parking lot. She asked what was wrong with the car and I explained it. I also told her that God did not bless me with this car to take it away with a silly mechanical problem. She understood it as best she could for a five year old. Then, in that moment, God had her share with me the Easter story that she'd learned in children's church and she ended with, "Auntie we have to remember to tell God thank you every day." So we told God thank you at that moment for the car, for the smoke and for the person coming to get us.

Today is April 6, 2010. During the wee hours of the morning I woke up and after allowing my mind to run through every personal and business matter, I finally said, "Ok God, clearly you want to talk to me, so I am listening." He asked "Is your gauge working?" My mind immediately went to the car - "No, it isn't." He inquired again, "Is your gauge working? Do you know that your oil is overflowing?"

I knew at that moment He was not talking about the car, He was talking about me. In Biblical terms, the oil represents anointing, the thing that you are spiritually called out or ordained to do/be/abide in. God very clearly said to me in that night conversation, that I keep reading my oil gauge as empty or too low, when in fact it is overflowing. My gauge, my mindsets, my confidence - keep registering low oil - it was a false reading.

Clearly, at this point, I am blown away; yet He wasn't finished. Here is what I learned. The mechanic said to me that when you put too much oil in a car, it has to come out. A car will find a way to get rid of it: it burns it off, it forces it to leak out, it pushes through filters and at some point before the damage happens, you have to change the oil and clean up the leaks and spills. What I learned as God brought this all back to me; is that there is so much anointing (oil) in me that it is looking for a way to get out. It is burning off the things that keep my gauge broken and my perception and acceptance of my anointing low. It is pushing to come out because it is too abundant to sit in my life (engine) and it wants to operate.

Finally, the mechanic kept saying to me, and I kept hearing his words as God spoke to me, "It's okay, the car is fine, it is not damaged, it's a good car." I kept hearing his words in the midst of God's words, because I needed to know that although my gauge was broken; my vision/my dream is still intact and the oil is still flowing and active. Is your gauge broken? Does your hopes, dreams, calling gauge always read empty or low? Now ask yourself, the question I did - WHY?

Today's writing assignment is to draw a gauge that is indicative of your life and mark the point on that gauge that represents where your calling is. Then write your mechanics notes to repair the damage and get to the place of your calling. My gauge was broken, but wonderfully there is another way to test the measure of oil in your life and that is to seek God and hear Him when He speaks. Is your gauge broken?